Life Lessons

These past few days have been a few of the many longest days of my life... I haven't even had time to gather my thoughts together to put into a blog entry, enough said.

I feel like I am going through an emotional roller coaster, and don't know how or when I will be able to stop.

I call myself a "pretender" sometimes. No, not in a sense that I live life I pretend like someone I am not. I just pretend that I am a lot stronger than I really can handle...

Every time someone sees my inner self, I get scared. Is it because I'm getting weak and they can see it? Or is it because I have been trying to stay strong for too long and everything is just waiting to be asked to explode, to fall apart, and become visible to others?

I don't break down a lot in my life simply because it does take a lot for me to do so. Every time I fall... for any reason or anything, I find something else to put my mind into so that I don't have to think about it... and I get carried away. Many many times I have used this "method" to get over hurt feelings or sad memories... But it just seems like I have wasted my time while they are still there waiting to come out all at once and break me down.

But I will not let them. I am strong, and I know it. All I have to do is deal with things one by one, I have learned that. One by one is the key... and even when I know that problems will not stop coming, dealing with everything one by one will prevent me from exploding all at once.

I know everything sounds much easier in writing or speaking, and putting those words into actions would be what I really need to learn to achieve. I am trying my best to do just that.

In the mean time, I am smiling every day and thinking about my "sunshines," or the most meaningful people and things in my life, as often as I can. It has been helping me tremendously.

I always consider everything to be in my life to teach me about something, and this time things may exist to teach me how to stand up, stop and breath, then keep walking with my head held high...