Dear Mother...

Wow... I just came across my old blog. Never remember I wrote these things, but apparently I did...


This one is one of the very first one I wrote directly about my mother... It was written more than 3 years ago, and I have a lot more to add to it today.


Mommy... 
It's been 2 years since I left the house, left our home, left you, dad, and my baby brother to come here... There's been a lot of time when I miss you all as much as I do now... But today, I decided to write this to you...

Mommy... At the beginning of this entry, I want to say "I'm so sorry..."

I grew up as a very hard-headed girl, as you know (of course, you're my mother^^...). I never listened to what you said, I always thought I was right... 

Mom, I always thought you didn't believe in me, 'cause you never let me out with my friends, never let me do anything on my own..., and when I get in trouble, you always listened to the other side of the story, not me... I hated that mom, really did, because I no matter how hard I tried, it seemed like I'm nothing to you...
I didn't like it when you made me do all the work in the house, from washing dishes, to sweeping and moping floors, even to ironing clothes..., what's the point of doing all those?
I hated it when you yelled at me all the time whenever I made mistakes, and sometimes it was not even my fault...
You got mad really easily, and sometimes it just got on my nerves that I was the "sand bag" for you to put your anger on...
...

Those were just four of things I can think of to show how badly you treated me, but ... why would I do that? I was young and envious back then, but I understand more now mom, and that's why I want to say "Sorry" to you...

I know now I was wrong when I thought you didn't believe in me... Because if you didn't, why would you let me go this far away from you when I was 16... I could do all the bad things and don't let you know anything about them, since I'm by myself and you're so far away.... But you still let me go... I never asked you why, but I know that's simply because... you and dad BELIEVED in me..., more than anyone else...
Mom, I know now that you made me do all the things in the house so I can be a better woman..., so I will know at least the duties of a girl/woman in the house, so people can say that "She's a capable girl..." Besides, you and dad were working so hard for the family's income, so why wouldn't I do all the house work since I only knew how to use the money that you'd made...
... 

I know now that... everything you'd done, and are doing, is just for my and my little brother's own goods... I probably would not see that love still if I didn't leave the house... I see clearly now how much you and dad care and love us, and this is the second thing I want to let you know in this entry... I want you to know how much I appreciate you and all the things you've done for me... 

You have no idea what a relief it is to call you and talk to you for hours about nothing sometimes now... Anytime I feel down or upset, you are the first place I could think of to call and talk, and just talk, just ... talk... You and dad are always there for me, and having you as parents are my blessed... You know, to simply hear your voices is already enough for me..., because I miss you all so much, I really do...

Mom, I know I've never told you anything like this... I was scared, because you never told me what you thoughts are, so I found it's so difficult to share my thoughts with you, in return... But mommy... I'm 18 now, and I'll be 19 soon, so ... is that enough for us to share thoughts as ... "adults"?? Besides, 2 years by myself helped me become a ... more mature person... Even though I don't really know what life is by now, but I'm learning, and I really need your help, since you're not right by my side... 

The last but not least thing I want to tell you in this entry today is that... Mom, I hope you know that I love you... I love you so so much, more than words can express..., so... anytime you feel down, don't forget that you still have a daughter to talk to ok mom... I'm here anytime you need me, because I know no one is perfect, even if he or she's trying hard to act like nothing is wrong, people have ups and downs in life, and so do you...



Three years more had passed. Things have changed and so have we, but only for the better.


If it wasn't for your visit here this past summer, I would have never thought that we can be that closed. I appreciate you so much for spending time to listen and understand me more. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, something you have never done before. Thank you for letting me know that I am finally a "grown up" in your eyes, and that you are proud of everything I have achieved.


I was almost 19 then... I am almost 22 now... 


If three years ago I told you I love you in my blog, today, my love has grown more and more. I loved you then with a heart of a little girl. I love you now with a heart of a young woman, who is also a daughter. I have come to realized many more meaningful things in my life, including the relationship I have with you, even greater than ever, and I wish I can call you to tell you everyday how much I miss you.


In the mean time, I am looking forward to your call this weekend! <3